Him: the guy your best friend starts dating. Him: the guy you practically spend all your time with between the months of January-March during show choir season. Him: the guy that rejects you as his homecoming date. Him: the guy that is way out of your league and flirts with every other girl, besides you. Them: all the guys you’ve liked and have never been with.

I’m 15, have never had a real relationship, and haven’t had my first kiss. It’s embarrassing and it makes me sad waiting for the right person. I obsess over VSCO relationships and refreshing my Snapchat to see if that certain someone has replied. Once I like someone it’s hard to focus on myself, and I put my value into how he thinks of me or how I think he thinks of me. I compare myself to other girls he flirts with or has dated in the past. Am I not skinny enough? Am I too loud? Should I wear makeup? Should I straighten my hair?

The sad part of this is I don’t only see myself do this, I hear this from other girls. “I want a boyfriend,” comes up in conversations way too often. It’s the constant thought of “Why am I not good enough?” or “Why doesn’t he want me?” that consumes me and affects how I feel about myself.

My main goal of 2019 was to get a boyfriend and kiss someone this year, but as I thought about it, I realized I had the wrong idea in mind. My new goal is to focus on myself and how I can create my own happiness and self-worth. I can’t put it in a guy, because that’s temporary. If I put my value in who I am and who I know I am, that’ll stick.

The cheesy phrase “There’s plenty of fish in the sea,” speaks so much truth. I will find someone who loves and cherishes me for who I am. It’s hard to believe that, and trust me, I’m still trying to believe it myself. I still find myself thinking about the perfect boyfriend, but I’ve learned there’s more to life than #couplegoals.