Senior year: the final year of high school, deemed as one of the best times of your teenage years. Coming into my senior year, I thought it was going to be filled with nothing but accomplishments, happiness and fun times as I ended my time as a Xavier Saint. This also meant looking back on the past four years, reminiscing on all the memories made with people I care about. 

As a kid, seeing all the movies made about senior year I thought with no doubt in my mind that I would be the happiest I could be, ruling the school after suffering through a grueling junior year. But in all honesty, this year has been one of the most trying for me, both mentally and emotionally. I can only describe it as if I am trapped in a hole, seeing everyone else at the top, trying to help. I would try to climb out only to fall back in, taking dirt along with me when trying to catch my grip, ultimately being covered and not able to see.

I never thought I would feel the way I’ve felt these past few months. I did not know why I felt this way, as I was blessed with a great life and amazing friends and family. So, I chose to write it off as nothing more than the “winter blues.” I thought to myself that there was no way I was going to waste my time on being sad when I only have a few months left with my favorite people, some of whom I might not see for a few years.

I had put so many expectations on how my senior year of high school would be “perfect” that I forgot it is merely nine months of my entire life. I focused so much on how I should portray myself to others during the first six months, that I would refuse to acknowledge how sad and empty I truly felt. I would catch myself on social media, endlessly scrolling through pictures of people with their friends, smiling and laughing as if they do not have a care in the world. I convinced myself that I had made a mistake along the way of my high school career and had done it all wrong. I was not one for going out every weekend and constantly being surrounded by other people. I am an introvert  and resented myself for not being more extroverted these past four years. My image of a “perfect” senior year had been demolished by my own impossible standards in a matter of weeks as I aimlessly walked the halls, convincing myself that high school was a waste of my time from here on out. 

I had failed to realize how many new experiences and people I have met along the way. High school is what you make of it and there is not a certain way to live out these four years. In the age of social media, it can be so easy to compare your life to others and feel as if you’re missing out, but nothing is at it seems online, and I encourage you to take a break, unplug and enjoy where you are now.

Embrace imperfection and missed  expectations. No rain, no flowers.