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What hurts most

Ellie Tanko, Assistant Opinion editor

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Jimmy Cliff once said, “We all need somebody to lean on.” You could take this in so many different ways, but I think it means there’s somebody we always rely on. Whether it be a friend or a sibling, this person  always have your back. Recently, I lost my best friend because we realized it wasn’t going to work out.

Without support from them, I constantly ride a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I feel hopeful that we’ll make it separately through the pain, while other times I feel despondent remembering the adventures we shared. Worst of all, I feel angry. Not just an annoyance or a little grumpiness, but a controlling, intolerable sense of fury.

If you know me, you are probably aware that I don’t typically get very angry. Something inside me hates every little detail of my current situation. I feel guilty for hurting someone, and that makes me mad. I feel like everyone is worried about me, and that makes it worse. I don’t want to be the victim or the one in pain. Everyone expects me to be on bad terms with the person, and that is what hurts the most. Just because we went our separate ways, does not mean I don’t love them anymore. It does not mean we had problems. It does not mean that I don’t care about them. It means that I cared about them so much that I saved them from future pain; I ripped the band-aid off now. I put myself through massive amounts of pain in order to give them what I know they need—space. Some may say I should be happy and move on, but I know it’s not that simple.

I am struggling to deal with the fact that someone close to me believes I don’t care about them. I do care. I am grateful for everything they’ve done for me. I want the absolute best for them. I want everyone to know that two people can split, but a little piece of each one’s heart remains with the other person. So please don’t assume when people split that one is perfectly fine and the other isn’t. Assume both people are healing and making their way towards a better tomorrow. Jimmy Cliff also said, “We all have sorrow, but if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow.”

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What hurts most